Birth Story

Milan Lucille 

I have been wracking my brains on how to even put my birth experience into words. It was the most out of body experience. I literally felt like I was not here, that was not me or my body that was doing this. To this day almost 3 weeks later I am still in awe of myself.

It didn’t start off as I thought it would have. I went into my regular prenatal appointment on Wednesday afternoon at 4 pm. I was having some issues with my Chiari Malformation that I knew were cause of concern, yet my midwife and triage nurses weren’t taking me seriously. Things were getting worse and I was getting nervous. I was extremely light headed and dizzy, my arms and legs started to go tingly numb, and I had extreme pressure behind my eyes, which was causing my vision to blur. I finally put my foot down and was kind of bratty (I just knew something wasn’t right and wasn’t going to sit back and let things get worse) and demanded to see the doctor that owns the practice I had been going to instead of just the midwives. I spoke with him for not even 5 minutes, he looked up my file and saw the notes from my specialist I had seen earlier on and immediately sent me on my way to be induced. The issue that was for concern is that all these symptoms are signs of increased cranial pressure and decreased CSF fluid around my brain-which can cause a whole other sort of problems. I was NOT expecting to be sent to the hospital right then and there. I was thinking maybe that evening or the next morning. Nope he called labor and delivery right there and told me they were expecting me. Holy cow. I was strangely calm. I went home to get our stuff together, do the dishes, and throw in the laundry and we were on our way! (oh and of course stopped for some 5 guys)

After we got all signed in, changed, and hooked up it was about 7:30 when they started me on the Pitocin. I was already having regular contractions on my own every 5 minutes but the Pitocin was just going to make them stronger. I had called my mom at the doctors and she was on her way and got there around 8:30. I was still feeling pretty good at this point, we decided to turn on Bachelor in Paradise because I was sure it would be a while, inductions are known for being longer. I made it about 5 minutes into the episode before I couldn’t focus through the contractions. They were 100% in my lower back, I hardly felt anything upfront, but that’s all I had felt up until then too. They felt like someone was trying to pull my spine out of my body. I was still able to grab Michael’s hand and put it where I wanted him to apply pressure which kind of helped!  

Around 11:30 they were really really painful. It no longer felt like someone was TRYING to rip out my spine, but that they had succeeded. This is when I asked for the IV drugs to hold me over until I got my epidural. Let me tell ya-those do absolutely NOTHING for the pain. I still felt every ounce but it just made me lose control of my body. In between contractions I just went completely limp. While I was kind of sleeping to get through the pain I felt what felt like a big movement on baby’s part, then a pop and a gush of warm water, I immediately woke up and started crying- I think it was out of embarrassment and the fact that I got it all over Michael’s pillow that was in between my legs. 

The nurse came in and confirmed that it was my water breaking, which made me excited and nervous cause I knew that meant the contractions were about to get a lot worse. I went for about another hour and called the nurse to ask for the epidural now. I was crying and screaming through every contraction-obviously not what I wanted and I was exhausted and just wanted some relief- something to help me relax. She checked me and said I was at a 6 but in my file it said that I was not allowed to get an epidural. I tried to explain to her that yes at first I wasn’t allowed to but 2 weeks ago I met with an anesthesiologist and he went over all my files and gave me the go ahead. She was not having it so she sent the anesthesiologist in to explain to me why I couldn’t. At this point contractions were every 45 seconds so it was really hard to try to have this conversation with her; but she basically really emphasized that she does not recommend it because of the risks with my Chiari. She just kept saying the risks the risks, finally through the pain I asked what was the risk because at this point I would have taken anything to get rid of this pain. Unfortunately the risk included a comatose state and that was enough for me to rule that out. I was bawling at this point. I mean bawling. I had not mentally prepared to go natural in the slightest. I wanted to be relaxed and enjoy this experience; I wanted it to be peaceful and beautiful. I couldn’t even make eye contact with my husband to take in what was happening. I wanted to be able to look over at him and smile and say “we’re so close to meeting our girl!” I couldn’t even talk. I was screaming and thrashing, hooked up to the oxygen mask because I could not breath through the pain. This is not what I envisioned. I had not read any natural birthing books, practiced any breathing, I could not do this. When I first got checked into the hospital the lady in the room next to me was screaming uncontrollably and we were all kinda making fun of that and the nurses kept saying “oh don’t worry 90% of people don’t scream like you see in movies.” While technically she was right about it’s not like in the movies, she meant it wasn’t as bad, while for me it was so much worse. If I were in a movie I would be the person getting eating by coyotes or something that’s how bad I was thrashing and screaming. My apologies to the lady I kind of made fun of for being over dramatic in the room next to me.  I kept saying I can’t do this-give me the C-section, give me the C-section. Obviously they weren’t going to but I wanted anything to help with the pain.

I don’t remember much after this because the pain was mind consuming. Literally took me to another place paired with a brief break where I came back and realized what was going on-which only scared me more and sent me into a panic mode, then I would feel another contraction coming and I would “go somewhere else” as strange as that sounds. So most of here on until delivery is what Michael and my mom told me. My eyes kept rolling in the back of my head and I was turning purple from not being able to breath. I had maybe 15-30 seconds between the contractions and all I could say in between is “no no I don’t want another one.”  Suddenly I remember feeling a different pain and saying “something is wrong I need to be checked!” and my mom grabbing the nurse -I was at an 8! Both my mom and Michael’s face lit up and smiled at me saying you’re almost there! You can do it! And all I was thinking was “8?? Only an 8? I can’t go any further!” 

I swear it was only 5 minutes later when I pushed myself up, supported myself on my elbows and was screaming, “Something is wrong!” I’m sure the nurses were just thinking oh you crazy first time mom! The nurse checked me and screamed “She’s 10 +2!” and all the sudden the room started going crazy. So many more people were all the sudden surrounding me. My main nurse looked me straight in the eye and said, “don’t push! Doctor isn’t here yet!” all I could think was “then lady you better get ready to catch this baby cause I have no control at this point, I HAVE to push!” The one nurse looked at me; probably seeing the panic in my eyes and said “Don’t worry we have a midwife here and we have all delivered plenty of babies.” I looked up to see the midwife she was talking about. This lady looked like she had just seen a ghost. She looked terrified! She was standing about 6 feet back from me eyes wide open blank stare. Real comforting lady.

I literally had no control over if I was pushing or not, my body knew I needed to push so it pushed! They wouldn’t even put up the stirrups for me and kept saying wait for the doctor! My mom and Michael kept saying, “I can see her hair! She has so much hair!” 

Luckily in walks my doctor-all calm cool and collected! They threw up the stirrups and put my legs in them and immediately started counting! I pushed through 2 pushes and she was out!! Oh glorious day! They kept her down there for a few seconds, what felt like hours and I was so worried something was wrong. Honestly I don’t know why they kept her there for that time, but she was perfectly healthy! They invited Michael down to cut the cord and then brought her up on my chest! 

I still was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that that was me, holding my baby, looking at my husband. All just felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe what I had just done, what my body just went through. This perfect baby on my chest was MINE. It was the most amazing feeling. Every time I look at her I feel that same feeling of complete and total awe. Our time in the hospital was so peaceful and calm-of course after she was on my chest. Crazy how fast the energy in the room died down, even crazier how fast I snapped back to reality- which is a blessing of natural birth, as soon as the pain stopped I was back to myself 100% there not loopy anymore! 

Even if it was not at all what I wanted, I still feel so blessed with my labor experience. I’m grateful it all was relatively fast-I don’t know if I could have done much longer than the hard 3-4 hours that I did. I feel blessed with the perfect baby girl I now have, and holy moly am I grateful for my supportive husband and encouraging mom. It is clear from my birth pictures that I could NOT have done that on my own. They were my backbone and my strength when I didn’t feel like I had any. (sorry about all the bruises you have on your arms babe)

God sure was thinkin when he made babies so dang cute or I would never want to do labor again! 

Phoebe Rae 

So at my 36 week appointment is when I was checked at 3cm dilated and 75% effaced! My doctor basically told me to pack my bags and because I had gone from nothing to 3 in a week he would bet Phoebe would come early! Well 3 weeks passed and she was still sitting all comfy cozy in the womb! Not to my surprise, I’ve guessed since the beginning that I would go over my due date…it’s what I was planning on! For those of you who aren’t familiar with Milan’s birth-I was induced with her because of health complications towards the end of my pregnancy. I hadn’t experienced any of the same symptoms/concerns this time around so we would just wait for my body to go into labor on it’s own! I really really wanted to avoid having pitocin because I knew this time around I wouldn’t be getting the epidural again. I experienced pitocin contractions last time and they were NOT something I ever wanted to experience again. However, my mom was scheduled to leave the country 5 days after my due date so I either had to choose 1. pray baby comes on her own before then, 2. risk my mom not being her for my labor/hospital stay, or 3. schedule an induction so we were guaranteed my mom would be there. I know scheduled inductions for reasons other than medical necessary are controversial- I am not really looking for opinions and research on that! We thought and prayed about it and I really really needed my mom with me during labor…her missing it is pretty equivalent to if Michael were to miss the birth. She was a HUGE support system for my first birth-basicaly acted as my doula. I was already pretty terrified to give birth again after being traumatized from Milan’s birth, I had a lot of fear and anxiety so risking her not being there would just add a whole new level of anxiety. For me it was worth having pitocin again to have her there. And my doctor knew I had to do it unmedicated so we really talked about easing into the pitocin, watching it closely and hopefully being able to turn it off after labor got started. So that was it! We scheduled the induction for first thing Wednesday morning- which happened to be my exact due date! 

Tuesday was filled with last minute errands, house cleaning, and spending time with Milan! Funny side note: we took her to a bouncy house fun center place….she absolutely hated it. I don’t think i’ve ever seen her so afraid in my life! It was the weirdest thing! So our celebration was more like torturing to her haha! We dropped Milan off at my mom’s house Tuesday night where my little sister would watch her and went home to try to sleep!! It was the oddest thing knowing that I would have my baby tomorrow! I was unexpectedly induced with Milan so I didn’t have a heads up or anything, but this time I knew for a week so it was just so weird being able to count down! The ocd planner in me loved that part!! 

Okay now to the good stuff!!

My scheduled induction time was at 7:30! We got in and settled into our room around 6:30 and then started answering all the questions and paperwork and such! The first sign that this was going to go well was when my Labor and Delivery nurse walked in! So long story short I grew up in utah and went to college in Idaho, there was this girl named Bree that we had just been Facebook friends for awhile, we went to the same school in utah and both went to the same college! We were never friends but were Facebook friends…ya know one of those? Anyways! She runs a blog for mommies to be because she is a labor and delivery nurse and blogs about all sorts of topics regarding labor and new mom life! (http://mommytobeprep.com) I came across her blog and read that she currently works at Chippenham Hospital in Virginia! Okay so crazy! That’s the hospital I was set to deliver at! So I was a creeper and messaged her early on in my pregnancy and seriously overloaded her with questions! Questions about the hospital policies, I explained my past birth, and really just talked to her! She was so helpful in explaining different drugs to me, different options and so on! It was just nice to talk to someone I kinda sorta knew versus just my doctor! Anyway long story! In SHE walks!!! She was my labor and delivery nurse!!! SUCH A BLESSING!!!! She knew exactly what my goals were and knew exactly where I was coming from! Yeah Labor and delivery isn’t exactly the place you want to officially meet someone and bare it all, but she was so sweet and helpful! 

 ...So 7:30 came and it was time to start! The doctor came in and broke my water…for some reason I was terrified to have my water broken, I imagined it being incredibly painful! Funny thing is I didn’t feel anything, just felt like a normal cervical exam! For some breaking of the water sends them into active labor-it would have been nice if that was my case but it wasn’t! I got a little crampy but nothing more than braxton hicks! 

So 8:15 came and first dose of pitocin went in. I was ready for the hell. 

8:45 started to feel some contractions, they were coming every 2-3 minutes at this point. They were to the point that I could definitely feel them but I could still comfortably talk through them.

With pitocin they normally check you every 2 hours to see how to adjust the dosage, so at 10:30 I was checked and was at a 6. That was motivating to hear because I still was doing pretty good pain wise. 

I was still working through contractions pretty well. Definitely painful and rough, but nothing I couldn't breathe through as long as I stayed relax and counted during them. I think the major thing was really thinking through contractions. Which before when everyone told me to focus and relax through them I thought they were crazy-thinking about my contractions seemed like it would make them worse, but it did the opposite. I tried to picture the contraction as a mountain that I was climbing! Each one I was going up up up and then down down down and when I got to the bottom I had a prize waiting for me. If I focused on the each individual contraction versus the many ahead of me I was fine.  

I was then checked at 11:00am and was at  9cm!! They called my doctor to come in for pushing! 

I moved to my hands and knees for transition-it felt best for me and I could feel her move down better in that position. Contractions got really painful at this point. I was starting to really feel the panic/fear set in. I was struggling to relax and focus through the contractions at this point. I started to feel nauseous and remember gagging in between my screaming. I could feel her head, I needed to push and push now! I turned back to my back and asked for the mirror so I could see! I used one with Milan and it was the best motivation during pushing to actually get to see what my hard work was doing!

Baby's head was showing. I could see her hair! The nurses were telling me not to push, we have to wait for the doctor! Of course there's no waiting, my body is doing this whether I want it to or not! So I start pushing! 

Experienced the ring of fire💥 yikes! I never felt that with Milan but holy cow it literally felt like my vagina was on fire, I remember looking into Michael’s eyes and shouting “It burns! It’s so hot!” 

Two big pushes and she was out! 

She was here! I did it, I freaking did it!! And I remember it! I was conscious, it wasn’t the scariest thing of my entire life. It was empowering, it was real, and I did it. That moment that she was placed on to my chest was the prize that I had worked so hard to get. 

 

Della Rue 

Monday January 29th:

9:40 am: I went to my 38 week appointment and we decided to strip my membranes. I really didn’t think it would do anything on the first time, but because I was really hoping to avoid induction this time, we decided that anything that could be done that could possibly be a baby step to get my body to go into labor on its own, we would try! I thought of this as a baby step! 

I had heard that it could be extremely painful, but it was worth it to me to avoid induction, and actually it didn’t hurt me in the slightest! I was actually thinking, “man, did he even do anything? He should have done it harder to help as much as he could!”

Right after my appointment my mom flew into town so we went to the airport to grab her! We spent the day doing some grocery shoppingAround 3pm I started to feel contractions and I decided to try pumping! My midwife and doula recommended it to bring on contractions. I pumped 15 min on, 10 min off for an hour. While I was pumping my contractions were really strong, and coming about every 4 minutes, but were only about 30-40 seconds long. I stopped pumping because it was making my nipples pretty sore and as soon as I stopped pumping the contractions slowed to every 8-9 minutes but still short in length. They remained that way until I got ready for bed and laid down and then they pretty much completely stopped. A lot of me was disappointed, but a lot of me was relieved. I had gotten a pretty crappy nights sleep the night before and I was just exhausted from a day of errands with my mom. I crashed at 9pm! I hadn’t fallen asleep before midnight my entire pregnancy! My body NEEDED it. And in a way, I believe it knew what was to come the next night so it allowed me to get the best night sleep possible at 9 months pregnant! 

Tuesday January 30th:

10:30:

I had a business meeting to go to that morning and then I headed home after that meeting to take Milan to preschool. I was feeling overall great. Zero contractions or signs of the membrane stripping doing anything. After Milan was done with preschool my mom and I ran to Costco to grab a few things that we weren’t able to get at Wal-mart the day before! While walking around Costco I noticed some cramping. Nothing at all close together or timetable, just noticeable and I figured it was just because we were walking around Costco and we were slightly trying to hurry so we were kinda speed walking. I texted Michael that I was kinda crampy so hopefully at my next membrane stripping appointment (39 weeks) I would be closer to labor so it may work! I was welcoming anything and everything that showed my body was getting closer to labor! I still 100% thought it would be after 39 weeks at least, but again, baby steps!! 

6:00: 

We got home and got dinner started. We fed the girls and I ate dinner sitting on my yoga ball. I was still feeling the crampy feelings every now and then, but they were still pretty spaced apart. Maybe every 30 minutes at most! We finished up dinner, got the girls in the bath and all ready for bed, and down for the night! I finished cleaning the kitchen and decided to secretly time these crampy feelings. I was trying not to psych myself out or get too excited. I had never felt true contractions before being induced with my other girls. I had back contractions for weeks ahead of time, but never the ones that started in my back and then would wrap around and turn into a cramp contraction. So I was getting excited that I was feeling these this time!! Such a good sign! At this point they were about every 10 minutes and I was still able to hide the fact that I was having one from Michael and my mom. 

7:50

I went to change into my pajamas and walking into the bathroom and lost my mucous plug. Sooo TMI but I had thought I had lost it before with my other girls but now that I actually lost this one, I don’t think I ever actually saw it with my older girls! It was such a weird thing! You would have thought my water broke! I was so excited!!! I yelled to Michael to come and look!! Haha so weird how excited we both got! I was trying to remind myself that people lose it weeks before going into labor, but it was hard not to let the excitement get to me, especially because I was having contractions. 

8:15pm:

I texted my doula a screenshot of my contraction timer. They were coming anywhere from 5 minutes apart to 10 minutes apart and anywhere from 45 seconds to 1 minute 30 seconds long. She assured me that was an awesome sign and that there was a good chance things were starting to kick in. 

9:15pm:

I texted my doctor a screenshot of my contractions and asked what he thought. I seriously felt like a first time mom all over again with the guessing game. The screenshot was from 8:00pm-9:00pm and the contractions were every 4-6 minutes apart and just over a minute long! I basically asked him if he thinks I should go and get checked or if I should time them for a bit longer. He said because we were about 40 minutes from the hospital and they were following the 5-1-1 rule that we should head in! No joke, the second I read that text, they slowed down. I was thinking about them too much, I think I got overly anxious and nervous that this could possibly be “it” that it halted my contractions. They were still coming, but they spaced out to every 7-10 minutes apart. I thought maybe it was a false alarm and the same thing would happen tonight that happened the night before and they stopped as soon as I was ready for bed. We decided to turn on some TV and wait until they got closer together again. I was just hanging out on my yoga ball. I was still so unsure at this point but we eventually decided to just go in just in case and get checked out before I got all ready for bed. The later it was getting the harder it would be to schedule things with the girls. The plan was for Michael and I to go to the hospital and get checked and if we stayed my mom would wake up the girls, drive them up to the hospital and my sister in law would meet my mom there, take the girls back to her house to sleep so my mom could stay with me in labor. So the later it got the more I felt bad about keeping my mom and sister in law up waiting for my answer. Plus I knew that it would be easier to get ahold of everyone I needed to the earlier it was.

11:30pm: 

We got to the hospital. I walked in and told the triage nurse I THINK I may be in labor? I kept saying, “I don’t know, I’m not sure!” they hooked me up and checked me. I was 4cm and 70% effaced, so 1 more cm from my check the morning before and the same effacement. Contractions were coming every 4-5 minutes. They looked at my chart and because it was noted everywhere that I would be going natural they unhooked me and told me to walk the halls for 30 minutes and come back at 12:15 to get rechecked. I kept telling michael, “Maybe this isn’t it. I think we may go home.” Then as I continued to walk the halls contractions really picked up and I had to stop and lean over as I was getting a contraction. 

12:15am: 

I went and laid back down to get rechecked and the triage nurse came in and let me know I was 6cm dilated and fully effaced! Woah!! What was happening!? I was staying! They walked me to my room and started filling up the tub! The entire reason we had switched from a home birth to a hospital was because they wanted me on continuous monitoring because of the cyst on my placenta. Something I was really adamant about was I still wanted to be able to freely move around and get in the tub. So they had a little monitor system that was basically a sticker that stayed on my belly! I laughed that it was like ironman. 

1:00am: 

As soon as they got me all situated with that, I changed out of the hospital gown into my bralette and climbed into the tub. One big negative is that even though I could get in the tub with the monitoring system, it could not wet. This meant I was only allowed to fill the tub like 5 inches! It was enough to cover my lower back, but that’s about it. I was in the tub for maybe 15 minutes before I got out. Because I was only allowed a little water, it really just made me cold and tense and didn’t help the contractions at all. 

1:30am:

When I got out I texted my doula and my mom and photographer got there about this time. My doula was so funny and I had texted her when we first got to the hospital and told her I would update her and when I texted her again to tell her to head this way she said she was already in the parking lot cause her doula senses just told her to come haha! She was so right! I was still just on a high that I was in labor! We were all so excited and just smiling, talking, telling stories etc! I was leaning over my yoga ball on top of the bed at this point. My tailbone bothered me my entire pregnancy and I saw a chiropractor twice a week for it, so no surprise that my lower back was where a lot of my pain was centered. The counter pressure my doula provided was amazing! Normally my other labors it was Michael provided my back counter pressure, but I loved having my doula able to do that part and I was able to have Michael up by my face talking with me and rubbing my back. The teamwork was exactly what I needed and I just felt so surrounded by support and love every second of my labor. I continued to mostly labor standing up, leaned over on my yoga ball that was on the bed. The monitor system was acting up and not really picking anything up, they switched it to a new wireless one once, and same thing. They finally decided they needed to put me on a wire one, but one that was still portable, I just had to carry the unit on me if I was walking around. 

3:00am:

My sweet nurse came in to see how I was doing, she told me my doctor called and said he couldn’t sleep he was thinking about me so he was headed in to check in on me! She asked me if I wanted to be checked yet and I told her to come back in like 30 minutes. I was feeling really good at this point I was thinking we at least had 3-4 more hours. Milan’s labor was about 6 hours and Phoebe’s was about 3.5 hours total, but they both had Pitocin and my waters were broken from the beginning of my labors so I knew that this labor was really up in the air time wise because I had no Pitocin. I was still feeling really good at this point and able to talk through contractions so I figured I wasn’t much past a 6 like when I was last checked. The new monitoring system was now not picking anything up. Our 3rd monitor system in a couple of hours and none of them wanted to work. They ended up just turning it completely off around this time. Just a little bit ironic that that is the whole reason we were in the hospital, yet none of them wanted to work! It was almost like a little sign to me that even if we had gone through and had a home birth, everything would have been just fine!

3:20am: 

My doctor got there and checked me and I was at an 8cm. I told him I wanted him to break my water in like 30 minutes if it still hadn’t broken on it’s own. My legs were getting tired from standing at this point so I moved and had the bed in an L shape and I was leaning over the head of it while on my knees. When a contraction came I rocked through it to help bring the baby down. I was still doing so good staying completely relaxed and focused during each contraction. A big difference with this labor was that I was almost excited for the next contraction because all I pictured during one is the baby moving a little bit further down, so I welcomed them and worked with them rather than fought or feared them. I knew the pain was a good thing, it meant progress, and I knew how temporary it is. 

3:45am:

I called my doctor back in to break my water. I thought that would help get things moving quicker (not like things were moving slowly by any means, I just felt like I was ready to take it up a notch). I was diagnosed with Polyhydramnios at my 34 week ultrasound which is an excess of amniotic fluid. So when he broke my water, it was like a damn had been released. I was so so grateful to be in the hospital for that because it was SO MUCH FLUID!

4:00am:

I knew breaking my water would cause my contractions to be harder, but I had no idea just how much harder they would become and how fast! Up until then, they had been really gradual and manageable, however once my water broke it hit FULL FORCE and fast. I was begging my doula to press harder on my lower back for relief! My doctor was in there from the time he broke my water and was there right next to my doula and Michael cheering me on and encouraging me, telling me how awesome I was doing. That was really huge for me. My other doctors came in as I was pushing and barley said hello, they were hardly a part of my labor experience. But this time, he was right there in the action. That really meant a lot to me especially because I had only been his patient for 4 weeks but he immediately took me in and eased all of my fears and anxieties about a hospital birth.

4:05am:

I asked to be checked again because it was getting really hard, I needed to hear that I was past an 8, I was desperately wanting to hear that she was almost crowning. I was feeling my control slipping away from me. I was asking “why is it harder this time?” Looking back, it wasn’t at all, it’s just crazy how much we forget the second that baby is placed on our chest. But I was trying my best to breathe deep breaths, and moan through the pain. I was checked and heard “yeah there’s still some cervix in the way.” and I wanted to give up. I’m glad he didn’t tell me a number because I don’t know if that would have made it worse, but I just immediately started to say “I can’t do this” over and over. I was dreading having to push though this pain for the next 30-40 minutes or however long it took for that cervix to completely get out of the way. In between one contraction I immediately went from saying”I can’t do this” to rezoning myself in and repeating, “I can do this. I got this” All while Michael is reminding me “She’s almost here. You’re doing amazing.” My doula was pressing as hard as she possibly could on my back, and my doctor was telling me just how great I was doing. The support that literally surrounded me on that bed is what got me through. They helped me refocus and zone in and relax. I couldn’t have done it without them. 

4:10am:

I literally felt her drop right after the check. I felt my body starting to push, I tried not to because I literally just got checked and was told there was cervix in the way and didn’t want to cause damage to my pelvic floor, but when the body needs to push, it pushes. I was still on my knees leaned over the back of the bed. Also a big difference with this labor was I WANTED to turn on my back to push. I don’t know if it was a familiarity thing or I wanted to be able to use the mirror to watch her come out but I asked for help being moved to my back and they set up the mirror. I was mid contraction so I pushed twice and her head was out, one more tiny push and the rest of her body came out and she was immediately placed on my chest! She was born at 4:15am!

The flood of emotions that hit me after she was placed on my chest is something that will never cease to amaze me. Every ounce of pain, gone, every ounce of pain was worth it. I DID IT. She was here and perfect and I freaking did it. 

We waited for the cord to stop pulsating and waited for the placenta to come out. It was about 10 minutes and then I could feel a ton of pressure again. I never felt the delivery of the placenta with my other girls, but this one I could definitely feel. And it hurt. My cyst that was attached to the placenta was last measured at 11cm in circumference, about half the size of the average newborn head. It felt like I was pushing out another baby. It was so weird to already be holding my baby, trying to relax with her, but also needing to push out the placenta. It finally come out!! That little cyst that caused me so much worry and stress was out! They wanted to send it to pathology to get tested and make sure it was not cancerous. They weren’t really sure what it was but it was a fluid filled sac with a small solid portion inside of it. My doctors own personal theory was that it was a twin that stopped developing early on. Pathology came back totally normal so no cancerous cells were found! It is just one of those things we will never know! 

Overall, my birth experience was completely different than what I thought it would be, but amazing! 

I felt so surrounded by love and support every second of it by every person involved. My nurse was a sweetheart, my doc was understanding and accommodating of all my wishes and fears. My doula provided physical relief and comfort, and Michael was my rock through it all. We are filled to the brim with gratitude. Our Della Rue Fox was here safe and sound and that was the ultimate goal.