BABY BABY BABY

January 14th 2014: the day I found out.

I have to write this today, because if I don’t, I am going to shoot myself later on! I want to remember these feelings! This joy! This anxiousness! This peace!

I’M PREGNANT.

And yes that is still totally weird to say out loud. When I called to make my first appointment and the receptionist asked me what for… I kind of mumbled awkwardly, I’m pregnant. Cause it still feels unreal.

The very first thing Michael said to me in the sealing room in the temple on our wedding day was, “we should start having kids sooner.” Literally very first thing. I was so taken back by it, whaaaa? Our plan had always been wait two years and then start TRYING. To my thinking, I thought he was way more set on this than I was. So of course hearing this took me back for a second, but didn’t scare me, didn’t worry me, I just felt peace about it, like that is what we are supposed to do.

So after about 3 weeks into marriage and Michael begggging me everyday to stop taking my birth control stop taking my birth control, and every single baby we passed he turned to me and said, “awe can we make one yet?” it was too darn cute. So I thought about it, waited it out a little bit to make sure he was serious about all this, and he was! So I stopped taking it! (ps: sorry to everyone I told I was still on it, it was my little secret)

I had read everywhere that it can take up to 6 months to a year to get pregnant after going off birth control, so even though I was expecting it to take that long, I still got a little depressed after every month that I wasn’t pregnant. That was only 3, but it felt like 20. I am not gonna lie, I let my baby hunger get the best of me! I had to calm down and distract myself and convince myself that of course it’s not gonna happen right away, and it will happen when God knows we are ready. So I stopped thinking about it, stopped obsessing, stopped tracking, stopped looking at only baby things on pinterest, jut stopped. And wallah. The next month we hit the jackpot!

We actually got pregnant while we were back home in Arizona for Christmas! Awkward for family members!

I remember complaining that I was going to be on my period for when we had to drive in the car 3 hours and 3 hours back to pick up Mogely, ugh that was gonna be miserable. But it didn’t come, oh I must have miscounted…it will come.

The thought that I was pregnant crossed my mind for like .2 seconds but then I thought there was no way! I would feel something right? I would have some kind of intuition about it….which I had none. I felt totally normal, actually better than normal, I hadn’t had a migraine in almost 3 days which never ever happens anymore! So I didn’t question it….until my period was a week late. (sorry for all the lady business talk)

I had an extra pregnancy test laying around from a couple months ago I decided to try just to settle my mind. To my surprise POSITIVE! And ain’t not questioning it either. Popped up clear as day. When I first looked at the test, I was so calm, I layed it back on the bathroom counter, walked out, ate breakfast, took Mogely out, got dressed…I remember standing in front of my closet and all the sudden breaking down, I was having a panic attack. It was hitting me, hard. So much self doubt came over me, I can’t have a baby, I’m not ready (even though I knew I was and so did God), oh my gosh what is everyone going to think, we have only been married for 3 months! People are going to think we are crazy. And that is when I had to stop myself, and take myself back and listen and feel. I was overcome with a feeling of reassurance and just utter peace. I knew there was such a sweet little spirit up in heaven peering down watching mommy realize that he/she is coming to be reunited at last! I knew that he/she is just as anxious up there waiting as I am down here waiting. Ever since that moment I have not had a moment of panic or fear, just peace and happiness. When I married Michael I could tell that he was a piece of me that I had been missing all those years, and now with him, I feel more myself and more complete, but there was still something missing, and that part is my children. I am, always have been, and always will be a mother in my eyes, that part of this life is just coming to, and I couldn’t be any happier.

Michael came home from work that day for his lunch break and I was making mac and cheese only to realize we didn’t have milk. I was being so awkward I’m sure because I was tiptoeing around this and I didn’t know how to tell him! I had the test in my hoodie pocket and we ran to the gas station to get some milk, I had him run in really fast and when he got back in the car I was holding the test in my hands. His eyes got all big and he shouted “You’re pregnant?!” and I just started bawling. Uhhhh weird much? Anyone who knows me, knows I do NOT cry! It seriously came out of nowhere! He just grabbed me and hugged me and kissed me and kept looking over at me and smiling. All though out lunch he would just lean over and kiss me, or look over and smile.

SO MANY EMOTIONS. Seriously I feel like my brain is going a million miles a minute, we’re gonna have a baby!!!! Woah! I feel so so so incredibly  to have my dream husband and a dream baby on the way!

Present Day: 13 weeks

I still feel the exact same excitement as day one! Not an ounce has gone away, at times it still feels so fake that there is literally a little human growing inside me. I feel like I'm some special alien that gets to do this, when in reality, this is normal. I think about growing plants, and I am growing a human! how cool is that? 

I've been pretty sick actually, which sucks...but it's for a good cause! I'm really starting to get better and I'm able to eat normal food now, which is a huge relief! I am welcoming the second trimester with open loving arms, thats when they say the sickness should fade away! 

In a little under 3 weeks we get to find out if the little bean inside me is a lil man or a lil miss! I wish I could say I have a strong mothers intuition leaning towards one or the other, but I honestly have no idea, so I'm really looking forward to that day! 

We've had two ultrasounds so far, the first was the craziest thing! I was a nervous wreck that whole morning, psyching myself that the test was a false positive and there really was no baby, but sure enough, there that little bean was wiggling all around with a strong heartbeat of 179!

The second ultrasound was almost 3 weeks later at 11 weeks, the baby actually looked like a baby more this time! We got some pretty good shots of the profile! Heartbeat was a strong 176...not much different from the time before!

I could not possibly go a month in between each of my doctors to hear the heartbeat, so of course I had to invest in an at home Doppler, oh boy I got my moneys worth on the very first day! I listen probably 5 times a day…lately I’ve not only been able to hear the heartbeat loud and clear, but I can also totally hear when the baby is moving around and kicking! We got an active one in there!

Okay sorry, not all my baby posts will be this long I promise, but I think the first one being this long novel is justifiable, I’ve been holding this all in for TWO months what do you expect?!

Anyways, thanks for all the love, support, and excitement we have already received through social media sites! We are definitely feeling it! Means so much! And now it feels 10 times more real now that the world knows! AHHH! A BABY! Okay done:)