Why Home Birth?

“What made you decide on a home birth?” This is a question I get asked a lot! I am so hesitant to talk about our home birth decision not because I’m ashamed or because I don’t stand behind it 10000%, but more because there is SO much misinterpretation, false information, fear and strong feelings surrounding home births and with the larger community I have, I know some of those strong feelings will come out. But any time I have shared little hints to the fact that we are planning a home birth, I’ve received so many supportive, encouraging, and uplifting messages from people just well wishing, people that have done it themselves, or people that are curious and want to learn more! And that last reason is why I’m sharing what made us decide on a home birth! I’m constantly on the lookout for more resources and more people that have experienced unmedicated and/or home births and honestly I take and learn something from everyone I talk to, so if one person is able to learn a little something from me, it is worth it for me to drop my vulnerability walls and share my feelings. 

Natural birth has always been something I said I wanted to do. Even as a 10 year old girl I remember watching water births saying that I was going to do that one day. With my 1st pregnancy I didn’t plan or research much because I went in with the mindset that I’m a first time mom, I have no idea what to expect, we will just kind of go with the flow. Well that mentality got me to an induction with Pitocin, me begging for the epidural only to find out medically it is too risky for me to have one, which sent me into a full blown panic attack and left me 100% mentally checked out for my labor. (Read her story here) It was extremely traumatic to say the least. I spent a good amount of time mourning the fact that I would never experience labor like my friends and those I knew. I would never have a peaceful labor experience, I would never be able to look back on labor and use the words magical or calm. I was mad that I wouldn’t be able to have those moments right before pushing that I could look into my husbands eyes and smile and say “she’s almost here!” because I would be too checked out and in misery from the pain. 

When I became pregnant again 8 months later, I blocked out any and all thoughts about labor. Any time I tried to think of it or do any sort of “preparation” because I knew I had to go natural, I became extremely nauseous and sweaty. I had PTSD and I had it bad. Because of this, I really didn’t do as much research and preparing as I should have, but what helped the most was reading others positive natural labor stories. Because my first experience was so scary and traumatic, it was really really hard for me to picture natural labor any other way. All I could think of was the screaming, the thrashing, the feeling of defeat, and just wanting to give up and I thought that there was no way natural labor could be any different. I tried to look into the hypnobirthing method, but any time they brought up to think of contractions not as painful, but as pressure, and not call them contractions but surges, I couldn’t fully get behind that because mine were nothing but painful. My mind was so made up and convinced that natural labor HAD to be torture that no method or convincing could help me. I found the most help from reading others positive natural birth stories because little by little it helped break down that belief I had that natural birth MUST be torturous for everyone. Hearing so many different people’s experiences with hard, but pleasant unmedicated labors helped ease my mind just a little bit. Story by story.

And then it came time. My second baby girl needed to enter this world and I had to give natural labor another go. And her labor went better, oh it went SOO much better! (Read her story here) I was present mentally the entire time, and because I was more present this time, I was able to think “I want to do ___ to be more comfortable” or “I can feel I need to ____” to keep progressing or thoughts like that. But with each feeling my body was telling me to do, I was faced with obstacles. Whether that obstacle was the 100 cords and IV’s I was hooked up to, or the nurses telling me to do otherwise, or that I wasn’t allowed due to hospital policy and so on. It was frustrating to say the least, to feel like I was physically able, and had my body begging me to do certain things, but being told no and having that “no” impact my labor experience greatly. And what’s one of the most frustrating parts is that through out my pregnancy, I was super open with my OB about the fact that I had to go natural and we talked a lot about my different options for making myself comfortable during labor. He was great and seemed to be 100% supportive on letting me do what my body was telling me. We specifically talked about me being able to walk around, push in different positions, not using Pitocin for the entire labor etc. However, once actually checked in and in labor, all of those requests were faced with a fight. I remember telling Michael, my husband, that next time I’m laboring at a birth center or at home. If I have to go natural without a choice, I definitely should have more choices on how I go natural and more choices on how to make myself comfortable. I remember thinking, “well other people get the option of the epidural to help with pain, and all I want to do is to be able to stand up to help with the pain, or to roll over without needing 3 people to help with cords, or to push on all fours cause that’s what felt best, or to use the bathroom like normal to relieve pressure, and I’m told no?” I knew in the middle of that labor, that even though it was going GREAT and so much better than my first, that it could have gone better, and it should have gone better. 

I know there are hospitals out there that are FANTASTIC for natural birthing and are really supportive of mom’s doing and following what they want, my biggest wish is that more hospitals would follow in that lead and become more natural birth friendly and accessible. Unfortunately, that’s what I thought I was getting for my second labor, but unfortunately things seemed to flip once I was actually in labor. 

So here we are with baby number 3!! Instead of “I have to give birth again.” I was shouting “I get to give birth again!” and thinking that I get another shot to make this birth exactly what I want it to be. I was going to fight for it this time. I was too scared and traumatized last time, but this time was going to be different. We had moved from Virginia to Utah and I knew Utah was a bit more natural birth friendly and I would have the option of a birth center nearby this time! I found a birth center not even 10 minutes from me that has been amazing since day one. If you don’t know what to picture when I say birth center, it is an old house that has each bedroom set up as a birthing suite with a full bathroom, deep tub, queen bed, dresser, refrigerator etc. Feels just like a master bedroom. The “waiting area” is in the living room. The environment and type of care I get at the birthing center is just a whole different level. My midwife has come to feel more like a family member than my midwife. I can honestly say I love her. I truly feel like I found her for a reason. She is everything I would want in a birth professional and supporter. I am never rushed, I never wait, the staff all knows my name and my medical history without me having to explain or remind them of anything every appointment. She texts me every now and then to check in, and I can text her anytime I have a question. At my appointments I see my midwife, and she typically has a student midwife assisting her. I actually used a midwife that practiced in an OB office for my first pregnancy until about 36 weeks when I was transferred to the OB’s care because she moved. Both my midwife that worked in the OB office and my midwife this time are CNM’s. This stands for Certified Nurse Midwife. This means the midwife has gone through formal nurses’ training and certification as well as a Masters Degree in midwifery. Most CNMs work in hospitals, but are allowed to work in hospitals, OB offices, birth centers, and home birth practices. They are also able to carry medications, and write prescriptions. My midwife was a labor and delivery nurse for 25 years and then went on to become a Certified Nurse Midwife in 1997 where she worked in a hospital setting as a midwife for 15 years, and then went on to practice solely at the birth center she is at now! She carries with her a sense of peace and calming. I get so much comfort and reassurance from her for any fears or questions I have! I trust her training, her expertise, her skills, and her ability to handle any situation that may come up with the unpredictability of labor. 

What ultimately was the deciding factors for me for home versus birth center was the fact that I have 2 kids at home and no family extremely close by. Our closest family members are about and hour away from us, the thought of having to last minute find a babysitter for them was causing extreme anxiety to me. Being able to just let them keep sleeping or work through early labor with them while we wait on a babysitter was much more comforting to me. Also my previous labors were quick! They say the third baby is a gamble, but I did not want to gamble possibly laboring/delivering in the car! No thanks haha! From the time I really felt my first contraction to when I was holding Phoebe it was about 1.5-2 hours long. So it just felt almost pointless to go through the trouble to make it to the birth center for such a short amount of time if this baby comes quickly as well. You typically only stay at the birth center for a few hours after delivery so I just didn’t see a huge reason for that when they have all that I have at home besides laughing gas is available if I went in. 

In addition to the support I receive from my Midwife, we have hired a doula this pregnancy! Something that I did not use my previous pregnancies and honestly, I was super skeptical if I even needed one.  A general definition of a doula is someone that “acts as an advocate for the mother, encouraging and helping her fulfill specific desires she might have for her birth. The goal of a doula is to help the mother experience a positive and safe birth, whether an un-medicated birth, epidural, or a cesarean." You can read more about doulas here! Often times doulas and midwives get confused for each other. Midwives have official medical training, where doulas do not. Doulas are there for support of the mother. It has been expected for women to help other women through the childbirth process since the beginning of time. They are not meant to replace the role of the spouse, but rather compliment. The spouse and the doula work together to each offer specific support to the mother. In home birth settings the doula is often responsible for getting the birth pool ready, grabbing towels, snacks, ice water, food, or any other things wanted by mom during labor. They have great knowledge on positions to get into for different scenarios, tricks up their sleeves to help stalled labor, lightheadedness after birth, and they offer emotional support and motivation. They help keep the mom grounded and calm. During pregnancy we have 3 meetings with her. First meeting is just a really informal meeting of each other to make sure our personalities click, I can ask any questions about her and her experience. Second meeting we go over goals for the birth, what fears/anxiety we may have, what we expect/hope from her, etc. I just had this second meeting last week and loved it! I especially loved that she was asking each question to both me and my husband individually, because this is just as much his experience as it is mine. He has his own fears and goals. The third meeting is more hands on learning. We practice positions, breathing, learn about Rebozo, counter pressure and so on! I love these meetings because they all happen in my home, in my comfort place. It also helps me visualize the birth better because we are practicing right where it is going to take place. Our doula is also available 24/7 for texts and phone calls for any questions I have! She has already helped me find a new chiropractor, sent me different resources on days I’m having anxiety to help any fears or doubts, recommended birth supplements to ask my midwife about, and so so much more! We haven’t even used her for labor yet and I already feel she was 100% worth it and all my skepticism is gone! She has been such a blessing! 

I have found so many different resources this pregnancy to help educate myself more on home births/unmedicated births. I would say I spend on average at least one hour EVERY SINGLE DAY for the last 9 months doing some type of preparation or research for birth/labor. Whether that be watching a documentary, listening to a podcast, reading a book, researching the internet, watching videos, etc. I could make this blog 10839 pages long and probably still not cover everything I’ve learned about home and unmedicated births the last few years but especially the last 9 months. It isn’t something I think anyone should be talked into and it is 100% not for everyone and I GET THAT, but if something in your gut is telling you that’s what you want your experience to be, or if you simply want to learn more to understand others that do it, learn more! I promise you there’s something out there that you will learn and benefit from, or there is probably a myth that you’ll learn the truth of. There is so much information out there at our fingertips and if you have any questions or are interested in learning more about unmedicated or home births here are some resources I highly recommend!

1. Evidence Based Birth! All the praise hands! This is one of the best educational resources I've found that covers pretty much anything you will face as far as labor practices and their standard protocols either inside a hospital or outside. They do an excellent job at keeping it non biased and strictly informational. They also site all of their sources and studies they refer to for you to look at on your own! This is a great website for any and all birth types! Just a great way to learn more about the "why" behind a lot of protocols and standards. 
2. The Birth Hour Podcast. They are free on the podcast app that comes on your iPhone. I love this podcast because they share every single type of birth. Induced, planned c sections, emergency c sections, home, birth, home birth transfers, unassisted births and more! It is a great place to hear other women’s experiences! I learn something new almost every episode! 
3. Doing it at home podcast. Another podcast sharing birth stories, except this one is specifically for home births. A lot of the people on there sharing their stories are health professionals that choose to birth at home which brings a unique perspective! 
4. Why not home Documentary! I LOVED this movie. It is put together by an OB that chooses home birth for herself, which again brings a really valuable and unique perspective. It gives a LOT of research and statistics and goes over studies about home births. She travels all over the US to interview other health professionals that choose home birth and why. It is really evidence based, and being a Type A personality and a lover of research and proof, I really appreciated. 
5. Business of Being Born, this is a popular one and often talked about when talking about “why natural birth”. It used to be available on Netflix but I don’t believe it is anymore. You can rent it for $3.99. It talks a lot about just how much the birthing industry has changed and shifted through time and how their really is a business side of of that unfortunately can greatly influence YOUR birth. 
6. Ina May Gaskins Guide to childbirth. Ina May is considered to be the mother of midwives. She is so knowledgable! I haven’t read the entire book (yet) but the first half of it is all birth stories! So if you're like me and you are constantly clicking on peoples links to their blogs of their birth stories soaking in every word, you will love this book! And like I mentioned before, reading others birth stories have been the biggest help to me because they are REAL first hand experiences that helped break down my belief I had for natural birthing. 
7. The Calm Birth Method. I have been listening to bits and pieces of this through audible for amazon. I love how it teaches how to feel confident in your body and feel at peace about birth no matter what happens. It has helped me tremendously work through any fears I may have. 
8. The Birth Hour Website! They have compiled SO MUCH GOODNESS and have it all available in one place! They have information on every single type of birth as well! Not just home births or unmedicated! 

So here is a little bit about my “why” and my journey that has brought me to planning our home birth for my 3rd! 

One of my all time favorite quotes is "Wherever and however you intend to give birth, your experience will impact your emotions, your mind, your body and your spirit for the rest of your life." and another one that really got me through my PTSD phase is by Laura Stavoe Harm and she says, "We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." 

UPDATE: 

Unfortunately something came up in our 34 week follow up ultrasound and we are no longer considered great candidates for a home birth. I have a growth on my placenta that we have been watching closely and it has gotten big enough that our midwife, ourselves, and the MFM doctor we have seen all feel most comfortable having continuous monitoring on baby girl to ensure her cord does not become compressed by the growth during labor and delivery. Hospitals are there for a great reason and they have their time and place, and for this labor, that happens to be the safest place for me to deliver. We will definitely be shooting and planning for a home birth for our next babies. 

I have many fears and anxieties (some mentioned in this post) about going to the hospital, but I am so so grateful for all the preparation and knowledge I have acquired this pregnancy while planning a home birth and still plan on applying all of it for a hospital setting. I am so grateful to have my doulas support as well! I have great hope and faith that I will still be able to have the peaceful calm birth I was hoping for, just in a different setting! 

I am so extremely grateful for my Midwife and her constant eye on us through out this pregnancy to ensure both myself and baby are the safest we could be!