Living life in the NOW.

blanket c/o cozy blankets 

Ever since Milan was born I have progressively blogged less and less. At first it was really that I just didn’t have the time or energy, any spare moment I had was spent sleeping, cleaning, or getting one on one time with my husband. Then I started feeling “pressured” to blog. No, no one was keeping track of how much I blogged or how late I was getting my monthly updates posted…but I still felt pressured. 

Same with Instagram. I started feeling the pressure that I think everyone feels, to have the perfect picture, the perfect caption, post often…but not too much cause people don’t like that. The pressure to comment and like others pictures, the pressure to hit a certain number of likes on every picture. It’s ridiculous saying out loud that I felt the pressure to get likes. Like really….is that what my life consists of? Is that was is important to me? NO. NO FREAKING WAY. Freaking pathetic. My life is fulfilling, my life is great, my life is happy, my life is full of love! And all of that is because of things OUTSIDE of instagram, outside of likes, and outside of how many followers I have. 

Do I want people to know me as “the girl with lots of followers” or do I want people to know me as “the girl who loves her family fiercely and lives life in the moment” do they look at me and see that I am happy? Do they see that I am grateful, independent, and strong? Without instagram? Without my followers or likes? I hope so, oh man I hope so. 

And then it gets tricky because I love instargram, and it really has blessed me in many ways. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you I used to be painfully painfully shy. Couldn’t pay for my own things while shopping because the thought of having to talk to a stranger made my stomach hurt. I still to this day avoid phone calls at all cost, meeting new people used to terrify me to my very core. Now it thrills me. I thrive off of it. I feel like I NEED it almost, I need that social interaction…and as cheesy as it sounds I feel like I owe a lot of that to instagram. It has allowed me to “meet” and grow to love so many different people from all across the world and it’s made me realize what I was missing out on being so shy. I think about so many of my followers and people that i’ve “met” through instagram daily. I think about their kids, and their lives, hoping they are doing well, wishing I could hug them, wishing I could tell them how much of a difference they’ve made to me by simply commenting here and there, sharing bits about their lives, and how much I appreciate them. 

I am really bad at responding to every comment, or even commenting on others post, I am. Most of the time I’m scrolling through instagram while holding my phone up high away from my toddler who wants to grab it, or while I’m in bed late at night and early in the mornings. And sometimes I feel really bad for not responding to a question, or commenting on someones photos, but then I remember, I was tickling my daughter instead of commenting. I was kissing her instead of commenting, I was cleaning up after her, cooking for her, cuddling my husband, visiting with friends or family…I was doing all of that, instead of commenting. And suddenly I don’t feel the least bit bad or guilty because THOSE are the things that make my life so fulfilling, so full of love, and so so great, and I wouldn’t want to change any of that. My daughter (soon to be daughters), my husband, and my family will forever be what makes my life worth it. In 5 years I won’t remember the likes I didn’t get, the followers I lost, or the photos I forgot to comment on, I’ll remember the giggly tickle fests with my girls, the early morning snuggles, the date nights with my husband, the family holidays, I’ll remember all of that. 

And that is why I don’t blog as much any more, I am preoccupied living a pretty fantastic life, raising one heck of a daughter, and married to one hunky husband.