19 WEEKS

Ahhh so many thoughts and emotions going through my mind! I’m heartbroken, angry, sad, grateful, happy, relieved, and most of all full of love.

Today was my appointment with my specialist going over my Chiari Malformation and how it affects my pregnancy. The nurse came and got me out of the waiting room and immediately took me back into an ultrasound room, I was so confused because I was told nothing of this. She wasted no time and jumped right in like I was supposed to know what was happening. She says

“Now is it you or the baby with Chiari?”

“Me”

“Okay, well today we are going to be really looking at baby and making sure everything is growing and working properly, look at her brain and all her organs, and then the doctor will come in and talk about Chiari with you.”

My heart sank. Michael was not with me. Our anatomy ultrasound was not supposed to be until next week. He was on 24 hour duty an hour away with no way to come.

She then continued to really look in detail all over baby. I was holding my breath the entire time. What if something was wrong and Michael wasn’t here. Of course these hormones made me start crying. As happy as I was to see my babe up on that big screen, I was so sad that Michael wasn’t there with me.

After the 45-minute ultrasound was over the tech left me and said the doctor will be in shortly…that’s it? You’re not going to tell me if everything is good? Of course not and I was stuck in that empty room for another 20 minutes letting my mind and emotions get the best of me.

Dr. came in and introduced himself and then looked over all the pictures the tech had taken along with the notes, turns to me and smiles,

“Baby is perfectly healthy and everything looks right on track!”

Then we went on to talk about my pregnancy in regards to my Chiari Malformation and delivery. There isn’t much research out there on this subject so unfortunately so much of it is up in the air. Because I have not had the surgery and I am still experiencing symptoms labor is the time for the most concern. The stress of labor and pushing is too much for my body to handle and it could cut off the flow of CSF fluid to my brain. Because of this my options are:

·      C-section completely put under and unconscious.

·      Vaginal delivery with no epidural and me pushing only enough for the doctors to use forceps or a vacuum to get the baby out the rest of the way. Normally forceps are NOT used without an epidural because it is extremely painful and can cause extreme tearing.

·      Combination of the two: Me trying vaginal delivery and if it is too much for my body and is putting the baby under too much stress, do an emergency C-section.

This is really hard for me because of course I’m one of those hippies that grew up always wanting a water birth or a home birth. I always had the mindset that even if I had a hospital birth I would do my best to not get an epidural, be induced, any of that. But in the end I’ll do what it takes to get her here safe and sound. We will be praying and researching to really find out what option we feel best! All in all, so so so grateful for a healthy baby girl growing inside me. (oh yeah, despite my dreams: she’s still a girl)

Check out that perfect cute little nose

can't wait to kiss these little piggy's